speaking of money-sucking blood funnels...

I was reading this post, and this financial tidbit deserves repeating: Did you know that China lends us money at 3.3% interest? Well, not just China, but the entire bond market? People all over the world who want to invest in the United States for a period of 10 years only want 3.3% interest. Wow. They're nice. China is nice. Credit card companies and U.S. banks, on the other hand, not so nice. The interest rate on a 24 month personal loan: 10.83%. The average credit card interest rate: 14.26%. This means that American banks hate us approximately 3.8 times as much as the rest of the world. This makes some sense; domestic institutions know us better. But still! Fuck you, American banks!

Scott Brown is a traitor to bears everywhere.

Scott Brown made history in February when he became the first bear to serve in the U.S. Senate. Well, not anymore he's not. Sources deep inside the Brown administration have revealed that he is about to relent to a relentless Teabagging: "It's ugly. They're threatening that if Brown dares to follow the 2/3 majority (of his voters!) who support repealing DADT, then he will not enjoy Teabagger support in 2012." Head Teabagger Sarah Palin cried, "Scott Brown has fucked us for the last time! From now on, it is we who shall do the fucking! My army of unwashed balls and taints shall descend on Taxachussets and mercilessly rub out all opposition to wingnut orthodoxy!" She then added, "Mwahaaahaaahaaaa!"

word of the day

pornoseptuagenarian - A prostitute who is in the age range of 70 to 79 years old.

footprints of wingnuttery

Just saw a Vanguard documentary on the Ugandan anti-gay climate at the time that the Ugandans were considering a bill which would have punished gay people with life-imprisonment or death. It was fucked up. I remember the row it created. Rick Warren had to issue a condemnation of the Ugandan bill because the fuckwit was part of a cretinous milieu of wingnuttery that has descended on Africa recently. The American Right has come to Africa under the pretenses of missionary work and fighting HIV. But what they are really doing is spreading right-wing ideology. The main dude spreading the hate, fiery evangelical Pastor Ssempa, said two things that drew my immediate attention: "liberal media" and "George Soros." Now who do you think taught the goodly pastor about the twin terrors of the liberal media and George Soros? Probably not Jesus.

me making fun of Thomas Sowell

Sadly No has brought to my attention a piece by Thomas Sowell, who I remember reading in my hometown paper's op-ed section. He was creepy back then, and -- yeah, still creepy. Allow me to add another "shorter" to Sadly No's summation:

Shorter Thomas "Asian is the new White" Sowell: "The only thing black students learn in our failing public schools is liberal political philosophy -- and probably buttseks."

Sowell explains that when black students are exposed to the guiding light of white skin, or the equally impressive incandescence of the yellow man, they lose all aspiration. Back in the good ol' days, the White Man was the "Pied Piper" of black people, leading them out of poverty with His gay tune of prosperity. Why, in those days, the White Man had only to stand up straight and tall and say, "Look at me coloreds! I pulled myself up by the bootstraps! You can too!"

Now its all gone to hell. Ever since liberals started preaching equal opportunity, black students see high-achievers, and their first thought is, "Hey, according to equal opportunity, I should achieve similar results as the high-achievers. But I'm not. Even though we're in the same classes, our unequal performances must be due to an unequal distribution of capital vis-a-vis the inequity inherent in laissez-faire market economies. The failure of my school system to properly address this inequity is an injustice that me and my fellow low-achievers may correct by stealing the lunch money of the high-achievers." By Jove, Dr. Sowell, you have cracked the case! The solution must lie in teaching students accountability. But how? What criteria must teachers use to judge the achievement and progress of students? If only there were some sort of scale to express said achievement quantitatively? Jeez, I guess figuring out this teaching thing is tough work. It's like, conservative bromides about personal responsibility are not enough anymore. This does not bode well. Oh well, at least there's White Heaven:

The wingnut argument for nuclear restraint

Wait! Where are you going? Here me out, damnit! This is good. Jonah Goldberg, manchild of Lucianne Goldberg, sez:

Ultimately, when and how a country uses its nuclear weapons does not depend on treaties. It depends on the Commander-in-Chief. Sure, worries about violating a treaty might — probably would — make using nukes more "costly" in a president's cost-benefit analysis. But at the end of the day, using nukes is such a huge deal that I think most presidents, most human beings, would make the decision based on their core values and instincts. And, suffice it to say, I don't think Barack Obama would ever use nuclear weapons under almost any remotely plausible circumstances.

As promised, this blogger will ignore the notion that refusal to destroy the universe makes one a pussy. He will instead make the wingnut argument for not pushing the button: In the event of WWIII, our brave, grizzled survivors of nuclear Armageddon will need a land of milk and honey to brutally conquer and subjugate. Like the Jews of yore wandering in the Wilderness, they will need a land free of plutonium if they are to smuggle their exceptionally resilient (and undoubtedly conservative) seeds into the next generation. We shall need a virgin land, and this land shall belong to our enemies. And like zombies we shall descend upon the virgin land of our enemies and rapaciously consume it. We shall make our gluttony pleasing to our God Jehovah by gathering the choicest pieces of ass and cremating them inside the belly of the Wicker Man. We shall force the pagan warlords to watch as we rudely introduce their harem-women to our large, Western penises. We shall rebuild the Temple of David and place a large, gaudy crucifix atop it. We shall institute a ban on headscarves. We shall repeal universal healthcare and force everyone to buy shitty HMOs. We shall emulate the powerful moral governance of the Catholic Church and choose a pope who will order the weakest amongst us not to have buttseks.

In these ways we shall avenge our vaporized brethren and build anew atop the fertile corpses of our foes. And all because our president had the foresighted restraint not to push the button.